Music & lyrics ©1975, 2103 by Robert Davidson Parma-Jon: I’m just a guy singin’ cheesy (His name is Parma-Jon) Singing a Cheesy Love Song I hope that I will find Someone who deep inside Will be turned on by my Cheesy Love Song And my love must know about Cheeses (Mozzarella, yeah) Edam and never be Bleu Roquefort and Swiss are fine Can’t get that Cheddar out of my mind Even the processed cheeses are fine with me, Parma-Jon Girl: What does this mean to me? I’m just a normal girl from Tennessee I like bagels with Philadelphia Cream Cheese I think Swiss really smells and I think Brie is really too gooey. Swiss is smelly Parma-Jon: You should try some Both: Time to try some right now Parma-Jon: Try some Gouda in the morning (Velveeta for lunch) Munster for supper is fine You should eat Brie at night Watching TV cottage cheese is alright Camembert turns your wrongs into right Vous ete mon fromage Girl: And now I know the good life I want to marry you and be your wife I just want to be in cheeses for the rest of my life I am your Limburger Lady your Cheeseburger baby, yeah Both: Oh how cheesy Oh so cheesy Oh how cheesy, yeah!!!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2103 by Robert Davidson Everybody In town Has recently found Grasper-Clasper’s around. Our live’s been made easy From “A” up to “Z” We grasp easily. Dads: We got a Grasper Clasper at home Moms: We keep one in the kitchen Dads: Everywhere that we go Moms: Use it for every mission Dads: We let our children know Moms: No need to ask permission Gras-per....Clas-per... Jon: One day sailing a boat, A piranha fish Jumped up at my throat All: That’s so scary what did you do??!! Jon: I pulled out my “GC” And claspered his fins And then I was free (hooray!!) Dads: I got a Grasper Clasper at home Moms: He keeps one in the kitchen Dads: Everywhere that I go Moms: Use it for every mission Dads: I let our children know Moms: No need to ask permission Gras-per....Clas-per... Wendy: I was another nobody Til I found out About Grasper-Clasper All: Now she’s another somebody! Wendy: Just like all of my friends, I am happy Everybody In town Has recently found Grasper-Clasper’s around. Our live’s been made easy From “A” up to “Z” We grasp easily. Grasp......Clasp.....easily!!!!!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Haaa....chooo! Haaa...choo... ha choo choo chooo.... Look what you’ve done with your sneezing you’ve created a train we know that the train's an invention of the mouth and the brain But this one is running wild and it may not come back we have created a train but we’ve forgotten the track I’m wondering “Why??” didn't we make a track how do we get it back? The Invention of the Train. It’s got a pigeon conductor and an engineer moose a cargo of old forest rangers inside the caboose It’s got a silver locomotive that runs off of old shoes and in the first class cabin’s there’s a zoo keeper’s truce. I’m wondering “Why??” didn't we make a track how do we get it back? The Invention of the Train. We have busses, trucks and cars and we even have air-o-planes and we can go to Mars so why the hell do we need trains Why??” didn't we make a track how do we get it back? The Invention of the Train. Now the train’s coming toward us coming straight down our way It ain’t for Atchinson, Topeka or for Sante Fe and we’re in a lot of trouble and I think we should pray ‘cos the train’s coming toward us and we’re right in it’s way I’m wondering “Why??” didn't we make a track how do we get it back? The Invention of the Train. PART 2: SKIPPY THE TRAIN IS SADLY DEAD Skippy the train is sadly dead He has gone to meet his maker It wasn’t anything that he said It wasn’t anything that he did Skippy the Train was always on schedule Skippy the Train was kind to little animals Ooooooo Skippy the Train helped his country Skippy the Train was a statesman, too Skippy the Train was in the Peace Corps Doing the best a train could do. Skippy the Train lived by the Bible Skippy the Train, hadn’t a rival Skippy the Train, often caught cows In his cow catcher, million miles an hour Mooooooo Skippy was a Train (Skippy Train) Now he’s dead Such a kindly train (Skippy Train) Now he’s dead And the morale of the story is.... You’d better watch it when you sneeze (when you sneeze)

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2103 by Robert Davidson Dad: First you take out the rod and you put on the reel Put the bait on the hook for the fishie’s meal Then you cast out to sea for your fishy steal Thanks to “Fish Funk”, you’ve got Fish Appeal. Dad & Son: And now you sit there and wait for the fish Think of the fish in a dish Son: with lemon! Dad & Son: Maybe trout or halibut, rainbow grilled and buttered up Son: I hope I don’t catch a cold . Dad & Son: We’ve been here for two weeks and we haven’t caught any Fish: Boy that sure was fast Dad: All I ask for is one now, that isn’t too many Fish: It’s one too many, ooo Dad & Son: Maybe more Fish Funk is necessary Fish: We love Fish Funk ooo Dad & Son: Spraying Fish Funk makes those fishes so merry Fish” Merry fish!! ;) Dad & Son: And now you sit there and wait for the fish Think of the fish in a dish Son: with lemon! Dad & Son: Maybe trout or halibut, rainbow grilled and buttered up Son: What are those things over there?? Madeline Fish: How you do, my name’s Madeline I’m a fish from the sea I came here to give myself in And I brought my school of fishy friends (She fish dances) Dad & Son: Fish is Man's Best Friend Contrary to Rumor Fishes: A fish story rumor Dad & Son: Take a Fish Out to lunch get to know ‘em much sooner Fishes: We’d like to know you All: Get a bottle of win and a bowlful of tuna Fishes: Only white wine, please All: You’ll be closer to fish, a whole lot sooner Fishes: Much sooner All: And now you sit there and wait for the fish Think of the fish in a dish With lemon! Maybe trout or halibut, rainbow grilled and buttered up Son: Fishes are Man’s Best Friend. Madeline: A fishes life can be glamorous When we’re out of the sea Your table manners don’t bother us But keep in mind we’re strictly white wine, please! We’re strictly white wine We’re strictly white wine We’re strictly white wine, please!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2103 by Robert Davidson Another Friday Night, You’re still at home While you sit and watch your telephone But nobody calls, you watch the walls And you hope that someday they will change. Oh, what a sad way to be, what a sad thing to know You’ve got no place to go It shows in your eye that there are no surprises Unless you are willing to make compromises. By Saturday, it’s still the same And you got no one else to blame And by Saturday night, you start a fight, But there's no one there to hit you back. Oh, what a sad way to be, what a sad thing to know You’ve got no place to go It shows in your eye that there are no surprises Unless you are willing to make compromises. So what do you do, listen to me I will rid you of your misery. Go down to your local drugstore (pick a pack of) Heartfelt Form Letters It’s guaranteed, it’s all you need So every day your life is better Thanks to Heartfelt Form Letters Thanks to Heartfelt Form Letters

Music & Lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Heartfelt Form Letters Make your life better Tell the one you’ve met With the complete set Say it with Heartfelt The Better Letter Say it with Heartfelt The Better Letter Say it with Heartfelt The Better Letter Say it with Heartfelt The Better Letter

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson I put my love into the want ads But I had no reply I even tried computer dating But the computer died. Where is the answer to my problem? Alone at night I toss and turn I need my life to be much better But I just never learn I put my love into the want ads But I had no reply I even tried computer dating But then the computer died And so I said it in a letter It was a Heartfelt form And now my life has gotten better My sheets are always warm And I no longer have a problem I keep those letters by my bed And if I’m ever sad or lonely I simply use my head Because I say it with Heartfelt I have the complete set The Better Letter Say it with Heartfelt The Better Letter Say it with Heartfelt

Music & lyrics ©1974, 2013 by Robert Davidson I never thought that I’d be sitting here tonight Late at night by your side You came on back to me Again I get to see Your sweet eyes so close to me Hollywood Love They’re gonna make a movie (‘bout our love) Hollywood Love People gonna come and stare at the love People gonna come and swear at the love All the people running scared of the love of us You once were dressed in red You ran around mislead by the smiles somebody sent you I sat alone in black I hoped you would react, so I waited there for you Hollywood Love They’re gonna make a movie (‘bout our love) Hollywood Love People gonna come and stare at the love People gonna come and swear at the love All the people running scared of the love of us I’m wondering where you’re hiding... I’m wondering where you’re hiding... I’m knocking on your door, I want inside for more You don’t answer like before So I will not again, stop trying to pretend You’re not in there with your friend Hollywood Love They’re gonna make a movie (‘bout our love) Hollywood Love People gonna come and stare at the love People gonna come and swear at the love All the people running scared of the love of us I never thought that I’d be sitting here tonight I never dreamed that I’d be sitting here tonight I’m wondering where you’re hiding... I’m wondering where you’re hiding...

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Welcome to the Kingdom of Ralph Wah-Wah The year is 4918652 Here in Wah-Wah Kingdom, there is just one rule Wishing is the only thing that you can’t do It’s a dangerous hobby and it’s illegal! Lord Ralph Wah-Wah had decided long ago That wishing will make you break out in tears So His Highness brought about the Wishing Law Now Wishing has become our most dreaded fear It’s a dangerous hobby and it’s illegal! The road to hell, is paved with empty wishing wells The pearly gates are closed forever so we wait But we’re not sad, for the wishing fad In fact we’re glad, that we are not ever bad ‘Cos if you're bad and if you make a wish You’ll meet he Wisher Washer down the road He doesn’t care if you are wool or perma-pressed He takes your mind and washes it in the next load It drip dries through your eyes The road to hell, is paved with empty wishing wells The pearly gates are closed forever so we wait But we’re not sad, for the wishing fad In fact we’re glad, that we are not ever bad Wishing is the only thing that you can’t do It’s a dangerous hobby and it’s illegal! Dangerous hobby and it’s so illegal! Dangerous hobby, it’s illegal!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson John: All I want is all my wishes to come true is that too much to ask of you John: All I want is all my needs to be pleased Is that too much to ask for free Mysterious Lady of the No Wishing: Hardly!! Are you sure that’s what you want Are you really sure that that is really, really what you want? Gail: All I want, is a color TV in my swimming pool A lot of nice furs and a lot of nice jewelry Mysterious People: Are you sure that’s what you want Are you really sure that that is really, really what you want? Giulia: All I want is to become the queen, you know I can’t stand dull routine at all Mysterious People: Are you sure that’s what you want Are you really sure that that is really, really what you want? Are you sure that’s what you want Are you really sure that that is really, really what you want? All normal people: All we want is to be famous superstars We wish that people near and far Will always know just who we are... Mysterious People: Are you sure that’s what you want Are you really sure that that is really, really what you want? Are you sure that’s what you want Are you really sure that that is really, really what you want?

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Wishful girl: I guess I made it, my wish has come true At last I believe, a wish can do Just anything you want it to I’m in a show it’s so much fun I can’t wait ‘til the show is done When I get paid my money Then I’ll be a famous personality Ohhh look at me go....... No Wishing police: Wait a minute! Where’s your Wishing License?? We are the Police, Wishing’s illegal You got your wish and you must pay!!! Wishful girl: All I got was one little wish... No Wishing police: Pay!! Wishful girl: One.. No Wishing police: Pay!! Wishful girl: little.. No Wishing police: Pay!! Wishful girl: wish?? No Wishing police: Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! You must Pay!! Pay-ay-ay-ay!! You must Pay!!!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Mysterious Wah-Wah Attorney: Attention in the Court, a case is to be heard Defendant “Silly Girl” has used the evil word But if she goes commit this vulgar act, ooo Wishing dangerous that is a fact We told you time and time again you shouldn't try To wish or want but you ignored our sound advice What did you think that you could get away? ooo We wash up more wishers every day. Bring out the Wisher Washer!! Previously Wishful girl: Everybody knows wishing won’t come true Everybody knows, wishing is a stupid thing to do Mysterious Wah-Wah Attorney: And now we let them back into society Where she will never wish or talk or hear or see ‘Cos if you wish you’ll only start a fight And on that note I’m wishing you goodnight No Wishing police: Goodnight!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Another Show Song, oh the thrill of the show The melody’s soothing But it’s just that the words have to go Another verse of the same thrilling show song We’re almost halfway through and yet Nobody knows what’s going on I sure wish I just could remember Just a couple of key phrases but... I fear that it’s just a little too late I better come up with something straight, ‘cos I’m going to have enough trouble trying to follow the chords I’m getting worried, what if this song never ends? I’ll be stuck singing it for all time and I will lose all my friends! I bet you’re waiting for me to find an end To this story I’m singing Which did never begin! Well here goes... I wonder how you would go about it I never tried to end a show song I’m beginning to have doubts about it I can’t let it go on forever and so I just decided that I’d better end the song So here’s the ending to this charming show song The melody is soothing but it’s just That the words are too long Are too long Are too-ooo looooong....

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Everyone knows that we’re happy, happy Everyone, everywhere’s happy, happy We hope that you know we’re happy, happy We hope that you, too are happy, happy! We’re here to entertain, we want you to remain We’ll do our very best, to keep you at your happiest We want to see you smile, just for a little while We want to satisfy you, yes to satisfy We want you to stay So please don’t go away (please don’t go away) And should we get risqué (risqué) We remind you right away.... that Everyone knows that we’re happy, happy Everyone, everywhere’s happy, happy We hope that you know we’re happy, happy We hope that you, too are happy, happy! We’ve got a great show for you we sure hope You like a great show, because we got one It features people, hap, happy people Singing some happy songs, singing happy We want you to stay So please don’t go away And should we get risqué Would you care anyway? If we got risqué What if we got, what if we got, what of we got risqué? Hope that it’s not, hope that it’s not Hope that it’s not risqué Oh Oh No No Visions, ideas that are not suited Tend to corrupt after they’ve polluted We’d better rid ourselves of these unhappy things Everyone everywhere must be happy Those are the rules so let’s make it (Snap) snappy Everyone tell me how you’re feeling right now... Happy...happy...happy...happy ooo...ooo...ooo.ooo.o.o.o Everyone knows that we’re happy, happy Everyone, everywhere’s happy, happy We hope that you know we’re happy, happy We hope that you, too are happy, happy! Sorry we did not mean to get carried away But we must make sure you’re happy Happy at all costs, happy regardless And now it’s time to, time to be happy Happiest Girl: I was walking down a happy road When a happy birdie said “Tweet, tweet, tweet” All: In the happiest way! Happiest Girl: And now I”m happy And I have no worries And all I need are the little birdies Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: What would I do if they all went away I wish they all would come outside to play Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: So I took one and put it in a cage Now I am the happiest girl for my age Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: Happy, happy Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: Happy, happy Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! (Bad News Unhappy guy interrupts...) Everyone knows that you must be happy That is the rule and so that is that And if I were you I would make sure that you were quite Happy...happy...happy...happy (we’re so happy we can hardly take it, oooo)

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson He: I want to live She: I want to dye He: in Omaha She: my hair streaked blonde He: where I can be She: or instead He: alone with me She: I’ll tint He: no misery She: it red He: ‘cos I’ve seen too much suffering in this city She: I’ll get new clothes He: Who really needs electricity She: and change toothpaste He: They did well without it in history She: to new Toothy All-White He: And I’m leaving She: I’m doing HE: and I’ll tell you why She: all of this and He: I’m leaving here now She: I’ll tell you why He: There was this girl She: You see there is this guy He: who followed me She: So dignified He: Where did I go She: I know He: She’d always know She: he’s right He:She tried to find me She: for me He: Find out where is the house I’m living in She: Oh, where is he living? He: She’s trying to find me but she never wins She: I am always trying He: And that accounts for the shape I’m in She: to find him He: But I’m leaving She: But now with He: And I’ll tell you She: Toothy All-White He: That I’m leaving you now She: I’ll capture him (She Brushes her teeth with Toothy All-White) She: I’m done! Now I’m ready! He: Who’s that girl with the...teeth?? He: How do you do! I’ve tried to find you I never knew, it’s really true You really want me?? She: Don’t worry I know He: You should have told... She: I was too afraid to let you really know but I’m glad that you let it show He: Well I’m in love with She: It never He: I’m in love with She: will fail He: I’m in love with you She: It’s Toothy All-White! (transition) She: Now there’s this guy He: What can I do? She: Who follows me He: Because there's no one who She: He’s such a pest He: Can compete She: I need a rest He: or compare with ... a.... She: I just detest him So I think that I’ll move out to Omaha He: Toothy All-White Girl She: And buy me a house that he never saw He: I know that house She: and then I will go in and He: and I’ve got the key She: lock the door He: But I’m in love with She: I hate it! He: I’m in love with She: Toothy All-White He: I’m in love with you She: It bothers me. He: Yes I’m in love with She: I hate it! He: I’m in love with She: Toothy All-White He: I’m in love with you She: You bother me.

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Where did all the time go? It flew right out the window It must have found it hard though Down here there are no windows I often ask myself how such things happen I rarely get an answer I guess I just don’t know Where did all the time go? And how does my next line go? Now we may have presented Some things that you resented But please don’t be offended Because we never meant it We only hope that you have had a good time Despite the fact that time got up and rudely flew away, away But that it how it goes That is how it goes We only hope that you have had a good time And let me thank you for coming out to see us late on a Saturday night it was awful nice of you Oh, thank you thank you very much Thank you very much you were so nice we loved working for you It was really nice for you to drop by Really nice for you to drop by, drop in every Saturday We’ll be here each Saturday night at midnight drop by We’ll be in here, just drop in here! And now our evening’s over Thank you for coming over And then ‘til next week and then ‘til next week ‘Til then we say goodnight! Encore (from “Happy Time”) Happiest Girl: I was walking down a happy road When a happy birdie said “Tweet, tweet, tweet” All: In the happiest way! Happiest Girl: And now I”m happy And I have no worries And all I need are the little birdies Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: What would I do if they all went away I wish they all would come outside to play Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: So I took one and put it in a cage Now I am the happiest girl for my age Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: Happy, happy Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: Happy, happy Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet!

Music & lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson Parma-Jon: I’m just a guy singin’ cheesy (His name is Parma-Jon) Singing a Cheesy Love Song I hope that I will find Someone who deep inside Will be turned on by my Cheesy Love Song And my love must know about Cheeses (Mozzarella, yeah) Edam and never be Bleu Roquefort and Swiss are fine Can’t get that Cheddar out of my mind Even the processed cheeses are fine with me, Parma-Jon Girl: What does this mean to me? I’m just a normal girl from Tennessee I like bagels with Philadelphia Cream Cheese I think Swiss really smells and I think Brie is really too gooey. Swiss is smelly Parma-Jon: You should try some Both: Time to try some right now Parma-Jon: Try some Gouda in the morning (Velveeta for lunch) Munster for supper is fine You should eat Brie at night Watching TV cottage cheese is alright Camembert turns your wrongs into right Vous ete mon fromage Girl: And now I know the good life I want to marry you and be your wife I just want to be in cheeses for the rest of my life I am your Limburger Lady your Cheeseburger baby, yeah Both: Oh how cheesy Oh so cheesy Oh how cheesy, yeah!!!

Happy Time reprise: Music & Lyrics ©1975, 2013 by Robert Davidson I was walking down a happy road When a happy birdie said “Tweet, tweet, tweet” All: In the happiest way! Happiest Girl: And now I”m happy And I have no worries And all I need are the little birdies Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: What would I do if they all went away I wish they all would come outside to play Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: So I took one and put it in a cage Now I am the happiest girl for my age Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: Happy, happy Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet! Happiest Girl: Happy, happy Birdies: Tweet, tweet tweet!